petang sabtu yang basah

sewaktu aku menaip ni hujan baru saja turun... kilat sabung menyabung dengan bunyi guruh. tiap kali hujung minggu aku akan hadapi situasi yang sama. herm sama jugalah dengan sesetengah orang yang mana kehidupan hariannya tetap sama.

aku tak tahu lagi perlu atau tak aku pergi gathering di duta vista tu. bunyi macam best sebab tu kira mewah juga tapi yang menjadi masalahnya sekarang ni banyak gila kerja yang aku kena selesaikan.

mungkin aku perlu pergi supaya rasa bosan ni terbunuh....

atau mungkin aku tak perlu pergi dan terus bermurung kat dalam bilik gelap ni.

removed...

pergh letih sungguh rasanya i lepas pergi berkhemah kat sg sendat di ulu selangor. berkhemah selama dua dari takder la penat mana SELAGI tak ada masalah seperti yg i alami semalam. the whole day was raining n dragged us into a lot trouble. nasib baik la my friends n i cepat2 cari solusi. nway this 2-day camping really melekat in my heart.

balik2 je dari camping terus online. nampak sangat i tak leh tinggal my laptop for a long time. so terus la kan check Tagged,Facebook n M****m. bila bukak je M****m terus i terkejut bila tengok one of my friends dah removed i dari his friendlist. pergh bengkek gak sbb i tak tau apa yang i buat salah kan?... tapi bila i dah tenang skit mungkin jugak sbb kitorang tak berapa keep in touch terus dia cut me off. herm orang ni memang pelbagai jenis perangai. luar je rambut hitam tapi dalam lain warnanya kita tak tau.

i realize yang a lot of things i tak dapat nak penuhi untuk certain people. it's not becoz of i malas nak layan but everyman has their own probs n difficulties kan?... takpelah paling kurang i dah jumpa dia n i ok je kalo dia remove sbb dah tak sudi berkawan. YANG PENTING i kena tau macam mana sistem hidup i bergerak...

susah nak senangkan hati semua orang tp adalah lebih baik kalo kita fokus hidup kita dulu sbb kalo kita deritakan hidup kita demi orang lain ada ke orang akan appreciate that action...

hidup ni memang palat tapi esok masih ada

a teh tarik session with mr. sec14

semalam i met one of my friends in Tagged.... tak pernah2 jumpa tetiba petang semalam masa tengah lepak2 minum kopi kat old town kopitiam with mr. mutual fund i got his message. idea nak jumpa was my idea la since i had no plan for the nite. so at 11pm he came to pick me at my hostel. then we went to mamak stall in sec 14. gosh dah lama gila i tak mencemar duli ke sec 14! kemaman kopitiam where used to be my lepak place pun dah tak ada n dah diganti ngan mama corner (restoran apakah itu i pun tak tau)

so sambil2 puffing my mild seven light cigarette kitorang pun start la d conversation kan. maklumla first time jumpa n he was the 4th person in Tagged that i met. sedikit sebanyak kenala kenal ngan orang yang sudi nak jumpa kita kan. i ni kalo boleh semua orang dalam Tagged tu i nak jumpa tapi tengok orang jugak la. kalo pic kat Tagged pun i dah tau camna gayanya (ala2 diva ke,abang2 ke or adek2) terus i reconsider whether i should meet or not.

terlanjur jumpa mr. sec14 ni terus la i cerita skit pasal diri i. to surprise this fella pun pergi gym jugak tapi tak pernah utilise bebetul apa yang ada kat gym nya. aiyo sometimes kan ada orang pergi sbb wellness je beb ke gym2 ni. i ni tak ada duit nak gi yang kat luar my campus so apa yang ada kat kampus i guna bebetul la. kolam renang je i tak pergi lagi *matilah dah masuk final year pun still tak pernah guna swimming pool.... very der malas one i ni

dah banyak bercerita tu terus la terbuka cerita pasal my issue ngan cameron tu. tak sangka lak yang mr. sec14 pun tengah alami situasi yang sama ngan i. n paling i terkejut i finally i found a different opinion on my issue. kata dia dalam skandal i ngan cameron i yang banyak give walhal cameron tak pernah langsung bagi sebanyak mana yang i bagi. so kenapa i kena bagi banyak sangat. i paling tak suka tapi terpaksa terima yang bila mr. sec14 cakap yang mungkin dalam relationship kitorang ni i ni bukan the only person yang cameron jumpa n has in the collection so i shouldn't take cameron like special person coz cameron wasn't take me in the same way. tapi mr. sec14 told me la yang i ada dalam diri cameron but cameron know the limit.

sekali tengok macam i di-puppetkan je with this fella tapi mr. sec14 kata accept that fella the way yang i patut terima. jgn tanya banyak n don't into details sbb at the end of the day i jugak yang akan merana. better i know cameron in the way i should know which is the present thing n not the past.

bila dengar opinion mr.sec14 i terus tersedar dari mimpi.

betul gak selama ni i yang put a lot of things dlm our relationship n i was really into details.

i always there whenever cameron wanted me but cameron wasn't.

so the best to solve the prob is i need keluar dulu from the ring n enter with some new rules. n most important thing is i need to find many people to date with sbb whether i humping someone else or not i know cameron will do it. so i need to look stronger n being bitchy. it's hard for me to dump cameron since kitorang ada chemistry but i have to know my limit from now on. kitorang juz FuBu so i tak boleh pikir lebih2.

as long dia happy i have to happy myself ngan hidup i. kalo hidup i only oriented on cameron apa la yang i dapat kan? sakit hati n sakit jiwa je. even mr. sec14 bagitau yang cameron takkan pernah sedih kalo lose i so i kena terima yang relationship macam ni it will come n go like wind. sometimes anginnya kuat sometimes sepoi2 bahasa kekdahnya.

entahlah... i wish i could get rid of that fella from my life tapi we've been going out for about 2 years n besides perangai dia yang secrecy tu yang lain i ok ngan dia.

i juz need to know the system. kalo i tahu the system i takkan sakitnya.

manusia n relationship memang pelik tapi kalo jalan ni yang i pilih i need to know how to play the game. that's it.

a funky yesterday

argh... i was late again for my 8-am class today.... but luckily my lecturer was quite ok and didn't give me hard time... fuh!

anyway yesterday was so damn cool. after two weeks planning and arguing, my friends n i finally threw a funky event yesterday called water fiest:alamak terbasah sudah!!! at the beginning of the project i was so sceptical because we were going to throw this event at desa waterpark (seriously people may know the name but not many have been there) but at the end of the day we managed to do some 'make up' for that place -with our funky attitude.

i invited my old friend, alan to join me since we haven't met for 18 months... he was still the same.. i mean his size n his perangai was never change - gila2 like usual. as one of the committee of the event i offered myself to handle the games with my roomy, azwa. and guess what? most of the games came from his ideas. i have to admit tv game shows give a bad influence to him.

most of the participant got penalty from us. some of them were painted by water colour and some of them were beaten by penyangkut baju on tapak kaki. we were cruel... i know.

at the end of the event everyone got presents. so tiada pengalah semuanya pemenang. i was hooked by alan's lumix camera. damn, the pictures were so beautiful. i'm looking forward to having one too. susah betul if u don't have digi cam nowadays. and it's going to be more important when u are a blogger like me. blog without pics is like a house without furniture. kosong and soulless.

i hope there will be a more exciting event for next month. i heard about mount climbing... herm...

c ya!

dear diary: stop!

dear diary,
the last time i got serabut with love problem (or maybe having-crush problem) i decided to let it not happen again. no matter how hot the person is i won't let myself to fall again for the same reason. but like what i've learned from law of attraction the more u like/hate the person the closer he/she comes to u.

so a year ago i'd decided to stay single and pick some people to be my FBs (fuck buddy) becoz it's a no-string-attach relationship n i can be free like a bird. when i said bird it means that i can fly from one tree to another without hesitate.

but for some people they couldn't accept what i had in mind. there were some people (it's better not to mention the names here) had intention to control me like i'm theirs.

even some of them i haven't met yet.

come on, do not fall for me easily. i have my flaws and accept me the way i am. i can't change for no reason.

the reason why i wanna stay single is because i don't have to be obsessive n control someone's life. we're free people for god's sake.

there is used to be a place for a person in my heart and it belonged to one person. unfortunately it was only me who wanted to tango but not that person. from that moment i chose not to open it to anyone. maybe we juz destined to be FB. as long as both are nodding for that agreement i'm ok then.

i can't imagine myself attach to someone....i've tried but i can't

dear diary: 2009....

i felt weird today.... after a long time not blogging or even sweep all the sawang in my blog i've decided to blog AGAIN (i don't know how many time did i mention bout this.... plz forgive me). is it because of a person? maybe.... the bottom line is i need to blog. at least i know how to release my tension instead of doing what guys love to do in the shower room when they are horny or puffing smoky stick to burn the lungs.... i need to express what i have in mind in words.

new year has come again n thanx GOD for giving me another year to continue breathing n sharing this small world. 2008 had left with a lot of things. sad, happy, exciting, boring etc mixed together became a meal with a unique flava. frankly there was a lot of things in my 2007 list i hadn't achieve. i don't have my license (my car license FYI), i don't have love partner (can be girl or guy... i'm confused with my sexual identity ladies n gentlemen :P) n i haven't had 6 packs!!!

so for this 2009 i have a lot of things to put in my blue print. and i hope i can achieve at least one of my 2007 wishes. getting 6 packs seems kinda close to me. hehe

let's keep the finger cross for that.

also for this blogging spirit..... hehe

GREAT! FANTASTIC! YES: live life to the fullest

hari ni dah masuk hari yang ke 28 kita berpuasa.dan sekarang baru sahaja selesai hujan. cuaca masih gelap dengan matahari yang macam malu-malu nak tunjukkan diri. dua tiga hari lepas saya ada berjumpa dengan kawan saya lebih tepat lagi biz partner saya. malam tu saja je keluar minum-minum sambil sembang-sembang kosong. sapa cakap kalo jumpa partner je mesti sembang biz tul tak. bila dah namanya partner tu kita treat dia as our close friends too, rite. tu pendapat saya la. orang lain saya tak tau.

terdetik hati saya bertanya pada dia kenapa dia nak jugak buat biz ni sedangkan industri ni la yang paling orang luar tak suka untuk sertai. ada yang kata scam la, skim cepat kaya la, biz tipu orang dan macam2 lagi la. jadi dia ceritakan pada saya tentang hidup dia. dulu dia pernah dapat sedikit 'kesedaran' yang dia rasa macam dah dekat sangat diri dia dengan kematian. start dari hari tu dia keep on praying supaya tuhan panjangkan umur dia supaya dia boleh balas jasa parents dia. paling kurang pun biarlah dia sempat graduate. bermula dari hari dia dapat kesedaran tu dia jadi seorang yang mengikut je arus orang biasa ikut. takut itu takut ini. sampai lah dia jumpa seorang awek yang berjaya ubah mind set dia. tapi hubungan diorang tak kekal. dan dia lost seketika. time tu dia mintak dengan Tuhan supaya diberikan peluang untuk dia ubah keadaan hidup dia. nak dijadikan cerita dia jumpa dengan seorang kawan yang tunjukkan dia biz ni. kata-kata seorang manusia ni benar-benar buat dia tersedar - "orang muslim selalu mintak dengan Tuhan supaya ditunjukkan peluang tapi setiap kali peluang datang depan mata kita tak appreciate. tapi still kita dok mintak benda yang sama. bukankah tu lebih kurang cam tak bersyukur. "

bermula dari kata-kata tu dia mula ada fokus untuk buat biz ni. sampai sekarang dia masih dalam industri ni kerana dia yakin yang industri ini mampu membantu dia untuk capai impian dalam hidupnya. dia belum lagi berharta atau kaya lagi tapi sekurang-kurangnya banyak pengalaman yang dia gain dalam biz ni. kaya itu lambat atau cepatnya datang pada kita adalah rezeki masing2.

bila dengar cerita dia saya bagitau dia - live life to the fullest. cerita dia benar2 beri kesan pada saya. hidup kita tak lama dan tak ada orang tahu bila dia akan mati. namun mengapa ramai dari kita yang matikan impian kita sebelum jasad kita dimamah bumi. mengapa kita matikan jiwa kita tanpa membenarkan impian mengepam laju dalam urat-urat nadi darah kita dan membiarkan tubuh kita mereput dalam segar?

adakah impian itu hanya khayalan buat manusia?

dan salahkah kalau kita punya bermimpi dan menguntai impian?

semuanya terserah pada kita, manusia yang punya akal, hati, jiwa dan rasa.

saya punya banyak impian yang belum tercapai dan sentiasa dalam diri saya bagitau tak nak mati tanpa impian saya tercapai. dan itulah doa yang saya selalu panjatkan pada Kuasa Di Atas Sana. sekurang-kurangnya biarlah saya mati tersenyum.

takkah itu satu perkara yang indah?

jangan pernah kita putus asa dengan impian yang kita ada. capailah ia selagi boleh. hidupkan impian kita sejak kecil lagi tu supaya kita tahu kita ada matlamat dalam hidup kita. jgn jadi seperti robot yang mana telah diprogramkan untuk diguna oleh orang lain.

kalau ada yang suka melancong pergilah

siapa yang nak mencari cinta carilah

siapa yang nak cuba sesuatu yang baru buatlah

jgn limit kan diri kita

sbb kita insan yang unggul

LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST!

GREAT! FANTASTIC! YES!